Why You Can’t Just “Stop” Anxious Thoughts—And What to Do Instead
If you struggle with anxiety, you have probably experienced a racing mind, replaying conversations, and imagining worst case scenarios that leave you exhausted and overwhelmed (and somehow also unable to sleep? Anxiety is the worst.) You have probably told yourself (or been told by others) to just stop being anxious. If it were that easy, you would have done it already!
Anxious thoughts have a way of looping in our minds, making it feel impossible to find peace. You may wonder: Why can’t I just shut my brain off? Why do I keep worrying even when I know it is not helpful? How do I stop being anxious?
The truth is, trying to stop anxious thoughts directly does not work. Bummer, I know! Unfortunately, this can make the spiral last longer and feel even more intense. The truth is, silencing anxiety is not as simple as flipping a switch. But, there is still hope! There are effective strategies to help you manage and reduce these intrusive thoughts.
Why You Can’t Just “Turn Off” Anxious Thoughts
Anxiety is a survival mechanism. Your brain is wired to detect threats and prepare you for danger. However, when this response becomes overactive, it can lead to persistent, unwanted thoughts. Anxiety does not always know the difference between a real threat and a perceived one. That is why you might feel the same level of worry about an upcoming work presentation as you would about a serious health scare. (It is also why you are beating yourself up for feeling anxious, but more on that later!)
Here is why simply trying to stop anxious thoughts does not work:
1. Thought Suppression Works Against You
When we try to suppress a thought, it tends to come back even stronger. For example, I want you to try to NOT think of a pink elephant. Definitely, no matter what you do, do not think of a pink elephant. Any other color of elephant or any other pink animal is fine, but do not picture a pink elephant.
Now, what animal are you picturing? Gotcha! This is known as the pink elephant effect. If you try not to think of a pink elephant, you suddenly cannot stop picturing one. The same happens with anxious thoughts.
2. Your Brain Thinks Worry = Control
Anxiety tricks you into believing that if you think about something enough, you can prevent a bad outcome. In reality, this excessive rumination does not grant control; it only heightens your distress.
3. Anxiety Thrives on Avoidance
When you avoid certain thoughts or situations to reduce anxiety, it typically feels better, right? Unfortunately, this avoidance teaches your brain that whatever you are anxious about is indeed dangerous. Our brain also loves relief, comfort, and overall feeling good, which is what we get when we avoid anxiety inducing things. So, the cycle of anxiety continues, because our brain does not have the opportunity to learn that whatever “the thing” is isn’t actually dangerous.
The good news? Instead of fighting anxious thoughts, leading you through a spiral of frustration and exhaustion, you can learn to relate to them differently and begin engaging in life the way you want to again.
What to Do Instead: Practical Strategies to Manage Anxious Thoughts
Rather than trying to “shut off” anxiety, the goal is to change how you respond to it. Here are some strategies that can help:
1. Notice the Thought Without Engaging It
Instead of getting caught up in an anxious thought, practice noticing it without reacting. Label them for what they are: products of anxiety, not reflections of reality. You might say to yourself:
“I’m having the thought that I’m going to fail.”
“My brain is telling me I need to worry about this.”
This creates some distance between you and the thought, making it feel less overwhelming.
2. Challenge Anxious Thoughts (Gently)
Ask yourself:
What is the evidence for this thought?
What is the evidence against this thought?
What would the most rational and supportive person I know say about this situation?
Has this fear come true before? If so, was it as bad as I imagined?
The goal is not to argue with anxiety but to remind yourself that anxious thoughts are often exaggerated or misleading.
3. Reframe the Thought
Instead of thinking, “I’m going to mess up this presentation,” try:
“I might be nervous, but I have prepared and I can handle this.”
Reframing helps shift your perspective from catastrophizing to a more balanced view. It also helps acknowledge both your emotion(s) and the reality of the situation. The combination of validation and reality can help you fend off anxiety.
4. Use Mindfulness to Stay in the Present
Anxiety often pulls you into the future and tells you to worry about what might happen. Mindfulness brings you back to the present moment. Try:
The 5-4-3-2-1 technique: Name five things you see, four you can touch, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste. Repeat this three times, naming different items each time.
Box breathing: Inhale for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four.
These techniques ground you and give your brain a break from spiraling thoughts.
5. Give Your Brain a Task
Sometimes, the best way to stop looping thoughts is to shift focus. Try:
Doing a simple activity that requires focus, like a puzzle, coloring, or knitting.
Engaging in movement like exercise, stretching, or even a short walk to help release built-up anxiety.
Listening to music, a podcast, or white noise to redirect your attention.
6. Set a “Worry Time”
If your brain keeps bringing up anxious thoughts, give yourself permission to worry for a specific time. Pick a 10-15 minute window each day where you can write down or reflect on your worries. Make sure you are focusing on compassion for yourself and validating the feelings you are experiencing during this time. If an anxious thought pops up outside of that time, remind yourself: “I will deal with this during my worry time.” This helps train your brain to stop worrying all day long.
7. Practice Self-Compassion
Anxiety can make you feel weak or broken, but struggling with anxious thoughts does not mean there is something wrong with you. It is a legitimate experience that goes beyond just being “worried.” And like I mentioned before, your body does not know the difference between an actual threat and a perceived threat. All it knows is comfort and safety! When you are feeling “I am going to be eaten by a bear” levels of fear as a reaction to “I need to call and schedule an appointment,” remind yourself that your body can get signals mixed up sometimes and your feelings are still valid.
Instead of getting frustrated with yourself, try:
Speaking to yourself as you would someone you care about: “It is okay that I feel this way. I am doing my best.”
Reminding yourself that thoughts are not facts. Just because you think something does not mean it is true.
8. Seek Professional Support
Sometimes, managing anxiety requires professional guidance. Therapists can provide personalized strategies and support tailored to your unique experiences beyond just the basics you can find online. If you are in Colorado, and wanting support to cope with anxiety, you are encouraged to reach out to me for a free consultation. I have been there before and I want to help you get through it, too!
You are Not Alone in This
If you have ever felt frustrated that you can’t just stop anxious thoughts, you are not alone. More importantly, you are not failing. Anxiety is persistent, but that does not mean you are powerless.
By shifting from fighting anxiety to understanding it, you can take away its power. The goal is not to eliminate every anxious thought, but instead it is to build a new relationship with your mind.
You are capable of handling anxious thoughts without letting them control you.