Never Stop Dating Your Partner: The Key to a Happy Relationship
What is the secret to a happy relationship? How do I maintain the spark with my spouse? How do we keep our relationship strong and happy?
If you have ever found yourself pondering these questions, you are not alone. Many couples, no matter how long they have been together, find themselves searching for answers on how to have a healthy relationship. While communication is often touted as the foundation of a strong relationship (and it absolutely plays a role), maintaining a fulfilling and lasting partnership requires more than just talking.
As a marriage and family therapist in Windsor, Colorado, I have had the privilege of working with a diverse range of couples: newly dating, long-married, LGBTQ+ and heterosexual couples, parents, and those who are child-free. Despite their unique dynamics, nearly all couples experience periods of disconnection. And guess what? That’s completely normal.
A decline in connection and relationship satisfaction is something every couple faces at some point. It is not necessarily a sign that something is wrong, but simply a part of the ebb and flow of being in a long-term relationship. But if left unaddressed, this disconnect can grow into something more difficult to repair.
Why Do Relationships Lose Their Spark?
Have you ever noticed that relationship struggles often surface after a major life change or milestone? Maybe you and your partner adopted a pet, moved in together, got engaged, or had a baby. Maybe you met each other’s families, went to a wedding together, or traveled together for the first time. These decisions and experiences are an important component of deepening your commitment—but ironically, they can also create distance.
Why?
Because once we feel a sense of security in our relationship, we sometimes stop putting in the effort we once did.
In the beginning, we work hard to impress our partners, show our best selves, and prioritize quality time. We go out of our ways to do things for our partners to show them we are invested in the relationship. But once the relationship feels more established, it is easy to assume the bond will maintain itself. Unfortunately, it does not work that way.
The key to a happy relationship is to never stop dating your partner.
How to Have a Healthy Relationship: Rebuilding Connection
Think back to the early days of your relationship. What did you and your partner do that made you feel close? How did you show interest in each other? What small gestures helped build your connection? Essentially, what did you do in the beginning that helped the two of you build a strong foundation?
If you’re feeling stuck on ideas, here are some ways to rekindle that spark and reinforce the foundation of your relationship:
1. Prioritize Daily Check-Ins
Life gets busy, and it is easy to fall into a routine of discussing logistics rather than truly connecting. Set aside at least 10-15 minutes daily to check in with each other on a deeper level. Ask questions like:
“What was the best part of your day?”
“What was the most challenging part of your day?”
“Is there anything you’ve been thinking about a lot lately?”
Following up on past conversations is another great way to show you are paying attention. For example: “How are you feeling about that big work project? You seemed stressed about it last week.” When you follow up with something your partner mentioned previously, you are letting them know you are listening and value their experiences.
2. Try Something New Together
In the early days of your relationship, everything felt exciting because you were experiencing so many “firsts” together. Recreate that sense of novelty by trying something new. It could be as adventurous as a weekend trip somewhere you have never been or as simple as taking a cooking class, hiking a new trail, or playing a board game you have never tried before. Novelty strengthens connection.
If you have been together a really long time and cannot think of anything new, do something you usually do but with a new twist. Do you watch sports together on TV? Go to a sporting event in person. Do you love hiking but have never gone snowshoeing before? Time to rent some snowshoes!
3. Schedule a Weekly ‘State of the Union’ Talk
Borrowed from the Gottman Method, a “State of the Union” conversation is a structured way to check in with each other. Once a week, set aside time to discuss:
What went well in our relationship this week?
What could be improved?
What do we need from each other in the coming week?
This practice keeps small frustrations from building up and reinforces appreciation for each other. As a bonus, focusing on what is going well can create feelings of satisfaction and connection, and it can give you feedback on what to continue working on to increase the health of your relationship.
4. Have Meaningful Conversations
As relationships progress, it is easy to default to surface-level conversations about chores, work, and schedules. But deeper conversations are crucial for maintaining emotional intimacy. Try these prompts:
“I feel most loved when…”
“A memory of ours that always makes me smile is…”
“Something I wish you knew about me right now is…”
“One way I’d love to spend more time with you is…”
“One thing you do that makes me feel special is…”
5. Schedule Sex
Yes, schedule it. Many couples resist this idea because they believe sex should be spontaneous. But the reality is, life gets in the way with work, kids, stress, exhaustion, and the rest of our adulting responsibilities. Scheduling intimacy ensures that you are prioritizing physical connection. (Because let’s be honest, when was the last time you did something that you did not have planned into your schedule?) And guess what? Anticipation can make scheduled sex just as exciting as spontaneous encounters.
When sex was first introduced into your relationship, you likely “scheduled” it in a way—you planned dates, made sure you had privacy, and set the stage for intimacy. That intentionality made it more frequent and exciting. Reintroducing that structure can help reignite passion and make sex a more frequent occurrence in your relationship.
How to Maintain a Strong Relationship Long-Term
Even the healthiest relationships require effort. The couples who last are not the ones who never struggle. They are the ones who recognize when they are drifting apart and take intentional action to reconnect.
Here are some final takeaways to keep your relationship strong and happy:
Never stop learning about your partner. People change over time. Stay curious and engaged in their growth.
Express appreciation daily. Even small acknowledgments make a difference.
Laugh together. Shared joy is one of the strongest connectors.
Address problems before they fester. Don’t let small issues turn into major resentments.
Make each other a priority. Love thrives when nurtured.
No relationship is perfect, but with intentional effort, you can create a strong, fulfilling, and lasting partnership. If you are looking for the key to a healthy relationship, it starts with prioritizing connection every single day.
Do you want to explore other ways to create and maintain a happier and healthier relationship? I’d be honored to help! Connect with me here to schedule a free phone consultation.